I have an enormous ego. Something that says, “We Go… Wherever we want. Because we are the best. We do things that no one does. We create a mental buzz which is unmatched anywhere else. We are in love with our self”. It criticizes out of self righteousness. It ignores and avoids advice or criticism.
“I graciously importune you Lord,
Show me the paths that you have for me,
Give me the eyes to see,
The ears to hear”
See my ego has assessed this generation. It doesn’t like what its seen. So it evolved, thus so did I. I started to smell myself. Caught up in my own hype. In in the interstices of my soul, the dark areas put Bryce on a pedestal. Now I fight an ongoing internal battle which wonders: what the fuck is every one else doing?
“For You know the thoughts that you think towards me,
Thoughts of peace and not of evil,
To give me an expected end.”
I look at my fellow brothers and I ask what are you doing? Why are you doing it? Why do you act the way you do? Why do you hurt so many people and pawn it off as “doing me”. I look at my sisters and I ask why do you disrespect your body? Your parents? Your God? Why do you go after guys that have physical value, yet are desolate inside? Why do you string guys along and disengage when its convenient for you?
“My reflection is good,
I love my caramel complexion,
I love my coarse hair,
I love my skinny frame,
I love my name”
As my ego churns and turns to become an enmity against my fellow man, the tune becomes a wild concerto of puffery and anti-comparison. My ego fumes against the idea that any of these “self-serving, selfish, full of themselves” ass fools could be compared to HIM. I rant and rave, he fuels me. I empower him.
“No man is better than me.
I am no better than he.
She is no greater than me.
I simply just want to be;
I try to take my failures in stride. Hide the shame of my breakups with my pride. Try to ignore the comments with my own versions of chide, I reside deep within the shell of me. My world, my rules. Outside the compartment I’ve created is a place of false jewels, bedazzling yes.. Yet bewitching indeed and I take heed from the comfort of my ego. My defense mechanism.
“Standing in this club,
I hate every fucker in her,
From these groupie bitches trying too hard,
To this fake ass niggas who aren’t shit but one dimensional tools,
I can smell their fraudulence,
I’m insulted by their impudence,
This place isn’t worth my fucking time”
As I distance myself from mankind, I wonder if I’m any better. Ego says yes, ethos says no. Logos say no. Ego says yes. To each his own right? Ego says no. Ethos says yes. Logos says yes. Ego says fuck that. By the rules instituted by everyone’s common sense this world is fucked. Hell in a handbasket.
“I sit in my room full of contemplations.
Surprised at my new found patience.
I’m my own patient.
Or my own plaintiff.
Ego is the defendant,
Court is in session,
Let’s see who’s truly innocent”