With someone who is spiritually inclined, I will usually position myself just within ear shot then weigh what they are speaking against what I have held true. Same goes for other miscellaneous lifestyle choices, be it in person or social media I will hang in the periphery and tear apart other’s belief systems.
Hence why I am so fearful of people like myself. Its the “the world’s” opinions I’m afraid of, its those caustic, abrasive minds who can systematically destroy a concept with freakish efficiency.
As a person of this ilk its important for me to practice love and temperance. However, more important is understanding WHY am I like this. What is my exact “end goal” in critiquing the minutiae of the world? Am I simply stockpiling ammunition for some future unseen enemy? Trying to make the world a better place? Am I just an arrogant prick with a chip on his shoulder? Yea kinda to all the above. The unforeseen menace and the prick response stem from what I call “the old Bryce”. Age 16 to 19 where I was frequently on the defense. I didn’t yet understand my insecurities but I knew I enjoyed the power of intelligence, the manipulation of words, and I finally had an arsenal to protect myself from my surroundings.
But its that middle reason “making the world a better place” than has driven me as of late. As someone who has been exposed to a variety (although I have MUCH to learn) and someone who seeks harmony above all else, I have subconsciously attempted to create what I call “universal laws” in which everyone should act according. Everyday my friends bitch and complain and belly ache about the things other people are doing. I complain about things other people are doing. My family, the origins of my hypercritical nature, endlessly talk about what others are doing and proffer suggestions about what they SHOULD be doing. Therefore my rudimentary thinking said “if there are critiques, there are solutions, if there are solutions there SHOULD be solutions which everyone can agree upon using various philosophical schools of thought.”
Thus, I spent years (sub/unconsciously) attempting to fashion this behemoth of a philosophical renaissance. By looking to the great minds of the era of man I figured that I could jerry rig some sort of cohesive philosophical equation. Hell I spent 5 years in college, studying great men and women, the anatomy of the human body, the principles of physics, the formulas of calculus, and the crux of religion… I should be able to come up with something… Anything.
But there is no universal track is there? In a world which branches, dissents, innovates, and rebirths how could one really fit all of that into a single belief system. Even Jesus himself will mean different things to different people. Look at the nuances between Matthew and Luke. The Matthean community was affluent and stressed spirituality, while the Lukan community was focused on poverty and social justice. Thus the planar minds of this generation must create syntheses… Syncretistic relations between socioeconomic classes etc. We must create new realities instead of attempting to meld them into something already conceived.
The idea of a universal governing philosophy is of course nothing new. Every philosopher up until this moment has theorized and postulated that his or her idea of existence was true. So in my case how do I reconcile the heart of a logical hypercritic with the soul of an innovator? How do I blend fear and faith? That’s the beauty of life.
In my youth I don’t try to give my readers answers, only food for thought. The Lord has yet to fully divulge everything I need to really start hammering home these points.
There’s beauty in my transition.