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Self Discovery: Pure

When I used to dream of love and marriage,
I envisioned my girlfriend at the time, Ryan,
Sitting with me on the couch of a large open living room.
I was young,
But it was the purest form of compassion I knew.
I mistakenly took it for “in love”,
But I sincerely believed it was forever,
We’re friends now and she knows things about me no man does,
When I gaze at her face,
My physical reaction is the same as when I first met her,
Stomach flutters and heart drops,
Because she is quite beautiful.
I’m not being nostalgic nor sentimental for no reason,
Nor am I committing some egregious treason
On my future by reveling a past season,
I’m simply recalling the time when I was an idealist because I didn’t know better.
I loved her because I wanted to.
I held her because I enjoyed it.
I taught her because she needed it.
I talked to her because I needed it.
She frustrated me because she was young.
She annoyed me because I was young.
She caused me joy because with her was peace.
She inspired me because her beauty was pure.
Innocence like a cherub from above,
Turned to me for human love.

From that point on I reeled,
Hurt from a wound that had never healed.
Exacerbated a wound I didn’t know I had,
Inflicted on me as I looked at my mom and dad.
They were perfect and I craved it,
When they traveled a road, they paved it,
But I simply didn’t like God and so I waved him,
So to the crucial winces of my wound I finally gave in.
I dated women for their looks,
Simply filed the rest of them “to be handled”
As long as they looked acceptable I’d allow the fire to burn the candle,
And when each ended in controversy and scandal,
I looked to another to lift me.

I’ve since felt a pure love.
Not marred by circumstances intrinsic.
One I rarely saw eye to eye with,
The other a woman who saw no need to maintain fidelity,
Trying to create heaven within the Hell of me.
Trying to replace God with the shells of She’s.
But forgetting that Love is tolled by of the bell of He,
He who creates Harmony and order,
He who commands peace to be with us,
He who amalgamates a flesh to flesh,
He who leads the convicted back to innocence.
In a sense, I started in the right place and got worse.
I used to speak in long terms then got terse,
I never learned the right words but still sang the verse,
I always knew the blessings but chose the curse.

So now I submit to the process
Of recapturing pure love.
Love which penetrates the mind, body, and spirit.
Love whose rosy tendrils link consciouses.
A pure love who causes a woman to be on both knees praying,
As I am doing the same saying
“Blessed is he who findeth a wive and obtaineth favor of the Lord”
Selah.
Glory to the most high.
I’m familiar that most guys,
Find their wounds and they inflictions,
And remain on the same course with their DICKtions,
But I’m here to make right everything I’ve done,
To myself, my past, so I can be the son,
The brother, friend,
And lover,
I want to be.
Selah.
Selah.

FKJR

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