Disingenuous: The Loss of a Generation’s Heart
Disingenuous [dis-in-jen-yoo-uhs]: lacking in frankness, candor, or sincerity; falsely or hypocritically ingenuous; insincere.
Ulterior motives. Faux. Fake. Secretive. Non-transparent. Lies of omission. White lies. Users. Manipulators. Cheaters. Insecurity. Facades. Masks.
Being disingenuous has approached epic proportions in a society where various outlets such as social media or television have allowed for people to carry on purported lives. Facebook, twitter, blogs, and such all provide platforms for doctored existences to be birthed from. More devastating though is as society hurtles faster and faster into distrust and paranoia, the defense mechanisms, the lies for attention, and the opportunities to manipulate for an end are being cashed in on at an alarming rate. Plus with the advent of aforementioned technology, the stories of these lies spread like a virus across the collective consciousness that is mankind.
Every era has had they’re fair share of deceit. From the Romans to the Egyptians to the Mayans to the great Empires in Africa to the iconic dynastic reigns in classical China, every culture, time period, and society has dealt with the burdens of mendacity. This penchant for man to embellish and deform the truth lends to the open underbelly of human insecurity. Too many of us are afraid of losing things we’ve never had or retaining that which we’ve received. The fear of the loss of something we’ve never had is like a woman lying to a man about being a virgin. Her fear is that if he thinks her loose or lascivious he may not continue the pursuit. The fear of losing that which we have is understood in the classic analogy of the emperor and his reign. He may lie to his people, spur war, or some regional destabilization in order to keep his influential fingers on the spoils of war.
Whatever the drive behind the guile, the results are always the same. A paradigm is created based on those untruths, then the affected parties begin acting in unknown situational irony. The omniscient narrator, in the form of historicity tells us the factual truth, however, the parties in our epics and history lessons knew nothing of the truth, only the doctored up phony stories peddled to them by the powers that be.
Fast forward to modern day society and no where is this more apparent than now. No one truly knows anything about anything. When looking at something like the US government one can’t even being to fathom the misinformation that’s been fed to us over the last century. From the institution of the Fed, to the removal of the gold standard, to the Iran-Contra scandal, to 9/11, to the validity of bipartisanism, to the question of who actually runs this country, we have been born into a never ending labyrinth of falsehood.
Dating is also a hotbed of disingenuous behavior. From the player male to the man-eating females, the “game” of dating is a high stakes gambit. There are more self proclaimed sufferers of trust issues than those who willingly allow themselves to be vulnerable, at least in my experience. Why is that? Is it that for millenia we were happy go lucky, trustworthy people who suddenly began distrusting others? Of course not. Its because as the world gets smaller upon the quantum dimensional compressors that are the internet, TV, and other media, we are not bombarded on the daily with additional reasons to not trust people. Before we just dealt with the admonitions from our parents and close friends, now we learn from Dr. Phil, Oprah, MTV, Lifetime, Yahoo!, Google, Media TakeOut, and World Star Hip Hop. We see the rappers who lie, the video prostitutes who just want a grab at the spotlight, the gold diggers, and the shallow dogs who want one thing from women. They play up their image and facade just long enough to get what they want, then split. Disingenuous.
This is the milieu into which we’ve been cast. A society of shadows and silhouettes, endless combinations of reactions to pain & suffering, joy & exuberance. The result is now a fragmented society in which any number of mistruth and truth combinations can lie. Think about yourself for a second. How many people have hurt you? How many people have you treated poorly because of how someone else hurt them? How many times have you been treated poorly because of how someone treated them in the past?
How many times have you thought to yourself: “I can’t treat this person like my last because that’s unfair”, only to struggle with internal demons of distrust and fear? How many different ways have you tried to prove your honesty and integrity only to be burned by a distrustful person yourself?
I see women like Kim Kardashian and these reality TV show chicks constantly cheating on their spouses. I see well to do men almost on cue stepping out on their wives. We are teetering on precarious ground people. The things we once held dear as a culture are deteriorating due to widespread, absolutely systemic panic. Sex is everywhere, temptation hiding at every turn like a free meal. Mantras like self discipline and control are more prone to be applied to the aggregation of money as opposed to the maintenance of romance and the edification of relationships. More and more people believe that monogamy is a curse. That integrity is antiquated and the world is one opportunity after another to feed selfish desires. “I couldn’t help myself” or the all too common “I’m sorry” are supposed to be the mitigators in the aftermath of pain. These recalcitrant individuals, dubious in their practice of being disingenuous, are shaping the world by by preconceived negligence and social-emotional apathy.
So, where do you lie in the spectrum of white – gray – black? How are you contributing to the arena? Are your intentions pure? Your conscious clear? Are you equitable in your dealings, business, romance or other? Or are you carrying years of pain around like luggage, forcing those who take interest to heft the baggage? Are you going to her house to have sex and nothing more? Are you inviting him over to “hang out” nothing more? What about your mixed signals?
How authentic are you?? Remember this the next time you decide you want to talk about someone else’s motives.
“How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck from your eye,’ while you yourself don’t see the beam in your own? You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” – Luke 6:42
I rarely pose definitive solutions, I usually like to use this blog-journal as a provocative mind stimulant, but tonight I’m going to offer advice. If you have been a victim of an insincere person, the only remedy is to be sincere. Be open with all but use wisdom. If you have been in love with someone who hurt you, becoming cautious to the point of isolation, negativity, or paranoia is not the solution. Be ingenuous in your appeal, become a heart which engages all until that spark tells you to embrace one. BE THE CHANGE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. 2 wrongs cannot and will not ever make a right. Combat the disingenuous with being as real, as open, and as loving as your heart and spirit will allow.
Don’t harm someone else, because someone has harmed you for then you have become your own abuser.