Fear [feer] – a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; being afraid.
Fear. Its instinctual. It is just as much part of the human condition as all the other emotions. It governs a specific part of our psyche — self preservation — by sensing danger and alarming our conscious to avert it.
The thing I’ve noticed the most about fear, however, is its ability to draw conclusions based on patterns. Have you ever found yourself avoiding a person or a situation because it reminded you of someone or something else that had been bad news in the past? That’s a classic fear reflex. We are hardwired to learn from our mistakes or make a conscious decision to engage in potentially harmful activities.
Fear is an umbrella emotion, encompassing a wide variety of human experiences. Fear of rejection. Fear of no. Fear of lack of support. Fear of failure. that’s a big one, especially amongst our generation of high stress, high expectancy, over-negotiators & over achievers. Additionally there is one fear that is often experienced, yet rarely singled out: Fear of Disappointment.
**FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT**
I am intensely guilty of this. It really is the root of all my pessimism. Yes I’m afraid of rejection. Yes I’m afraid of failing, but those are truthfully derivatives of the disappointment I will experience when a situation doesn’t go according to the plan I originally had. I’ve heard many people cope with this by employing the adage “keep your expectations low and you’ll never be disappointed”. As logical as this is, the ramifications of utilizing this saying are staggering. Its essentially relinquishing hope and leveling the entire human network to nothing. Moreover, we aren’t built to not hope. The Bible, various sacred texts from Eastern cultures, the Koran, and certain glyphs from ancient worlds all show that man was built to have hope in something.
Its essential to our survival.
But this fear. This crippling, limiting fear will drive us into places of mediocrity and monotony in attempts to avert the plague of disappointment indefinitely.
I recently became involved with a young woman who I believe has the potential to break the “3 month curse” I’ve suffered from in terms of relationships. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, her lips were forged in heaven… She’s actually what I look for in a woman. However, she recently took on an additional organizational obligation, in conjunction with all the other things she has going on. I have been freaking out for weeks. My fear drive began computing data and crunching statistically significant events at a rapid pace. Conclusions were drawn up. Emotions scattered. I panicked.
See the trajectory of our relationship was taking on qualities of the infamous connection I was involved with last year. I was falling hard and she had an entire life to live. The problem is, as the definition states some fear is an illusion.. Actually most fear is an illusion. I hate mnemonic devices but F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real, is an appropriate description. My current relationship is nothing like my previous, this young lady is nothing like my ex, and I am nothing like I was last year…
Fear is like cholesterol. Its necessary to the body, but only in small doses and the right kind. LDL’s (low density lipoproteins) are the “bad cholesterols”. They are the “false evidence appearing real” concerns. They are cancerous and serve as impedances to moments where we could be happy beyond belief. They directly counter act The Lemniscate Theory’s idea of limitlessness. They put bounds on your mind that have no business being there. Then there are your HDL’s (high-density lipoproteins) or “good cholesterols”. This is healthy fear. The kind of concerns that keep your family safe, your actions judicious, and your reverence for God in check. They serve as rungs to limitlessness, by keeping the things which make you happy safe.
Find your balance. Get your “fear diet” right.